Hi guys.I googled “I miss my mom” tonight because I’m missing my mom tonight, and an old blog post I wrote about missing my mom turned up on the front page of Google. So I guess I’ve been in this spot before.
In addition to missing my mom, I am tired of missing my mom, and I wish that after 4.5 years the longing/sadness/etc would go away. But it doesn’t, and that frustrates me to no end. It’s exhausting.
Also, my mom’s been dead for 4.5 years, and that makes me angry.
I’m feeling it extra hard because of the holidays, and because an old friend of my mother’s contacted me via Facebook to find out how to get in touch with her. And so I had to craft the world’s shittiest Facebook message, telling the woman who took care of me when my mom was in labor with my brother that her dear friend died a long time ago.
Eleanor cried when I left the house today. Normally she and Anthony leave before me and there have never been tears, but today I headed out early to get to Santa Monica for an interview. As she watched me leave her face crumbled and she let out an angry cry as if to say, “Bitch, where the eff do you think you’re going?” And I was like, “I know how you feel, girl.” And it made me sad.
Sorry this is such an emo-fest, internet. All of the cries and all of the wine for me, please.
(Don’t worry, I’m not actually crying or drinking…just blogging - which is the worst decision of all! No but really, I’m fine. Just letting off mom steam.)
