Kate Spencer

lucidwalls asked: Hey Kate, I discovered you and your a blog a little while back now, and absolutely fell in love (I tweeted you about it, you probably lost it in your millions of fangirl's tweets) the thing is, I need help, I feel a little lost and stuck, as if I'm going through life as everyone else wants me to and I want to do something different but I'm scared, can you help? You're wise and amazing and lovely and I need someone like you to give me an alternative perspective! love, Bryony, Birmingham, England

Dear Bryony,

Thank you for such a sweet note. Let me just say that I think everyone in the world has felt as you do. I know I have many, many times in my life. Don’t be too hard on yourself about it. Just recognizing you feel a bit lost and want to try something different is amazing! Maybe you’re not scared, maybe you’re just taking your time to figure out what that next step is. Be nice to yourself, above all else. None of this is easy.

I’ve done improv comedy for a long, long time now. Often I get stuck in a horrifying rut. I feel awful after shows and convince myself that my performing is terrible and ruining everything. This puts me in my head, so then I end up being too scared to do anything in the show, terrified I’ll just ruin it with my awful-ness. I’ve learned that in order to move myself through this rut, I have to challenge myself to take risks on stage. Often they are very little, tiny things - things only I’d know I’m doing. It always feels really scary. Often I fail at what I’m trying to do. But just getting out there and forcing myself to not think and just do something new ends up feeling amazing. And slowly, I moved myself out of the rut.

I guess my terribly articulated point is this: it’s okay to be scared. This stuff is scary. You don’t need to make sweeping, huge life changes all at once (though if you want to, go for it!). You can go as slowly as you need. When you’re ready, just do one teeny tiny small thing to move yourself in the direction you want to go. Slowly but surely, you will get there, and will probably feel happier and more authentically you than before. And I bet the people in your life will love you through all of it. Those that don’t weren’t worth your time in the first place.

I don’t know if this even makes sense. But I’m glad you reached out. xo

I am devastated today. I am a born and raised Massachusetts native, and grew up outside Boston. I am grieving for my city today, as we all are. But I feel hope today, too.

Patriots’ Day is a special day in Boston. It’s the day I’m always most homesick for my hometown. It’s a state holiday - schools are closed and banks close early. There is no mail delivery. This is so engrained in the local culture that when I moved to New York after college I was confused when we did not have the day off from work. I guess I always thought Patriots’ Day was a national thing.

On this day, there is an early morning reenactment of the Battle of Lexington and Concord. At some point in your youth your school will probably make you attend this, or your mom. It’s painful to rise at 5AM when you’re twelve to go see people retrace Paul Revere’s ride, but it’s a Massachusetts right of passage I’m grateful for.

The Red Sox have their first home game of the year on this day. The game is in the morning and signals the start of spring in Boston, like one giant daffodil popping out of the Green Monster. Once again, you’re filled with hope of a renewed Red Sox line up that might not fail you this year. Everything is fresh and new again, but routed in the history and tradition that makes the city and the team so great (even when they’re losing).

But most importantly, it’s Marathon Monday. There is truly nothing that captures the spirit of Boston and Massachusetts more than the marathon. It runs right through my town, and the whole world shows up to watch. Everyone knows a billion people running; each year my mom would cheer for her old OBGYN who delivered me when I was born. It’s fun and festive - people run in ridiculous costumes that seem impossible to sustain for 26.2 miles. But it is also downright emotional - a large group of wheelchair runners are the first to appear along the route, as well as able-bodied runners pushing participants in wheelchairs, like the much beloved father-son Team Hoyt. Everyone cheers, everyone cries. It’s an international event, but is incredibly local and true to the spirt of Boston: people persevering over an incredible challenge, with fervent, wild support all around.

Patriots’ Day is Boston’s best day; it’s happiest and most hopeful. There are parties everywhere, especially in Boston along the marathon route, celebrating the race and these wonderful moments that make the city so unique and special. And so, because someone chose to hurt the city on this of all days, I am especially saddened and devastated. I want people who aren’t from Boston to know how magical Patriots’ Day is, how it was my favorite day growing up and how it captures everything good about being a resident of Massachusetts. I’m confident that nothing will damper the spirit of this day, and that next year the state and the city will celebrate (and remember and honor those injured and lost today) even stronger. Nothing can keep the Commonwealth down. They don’t call us Massholes for nothing.